I want a love that knows no limits, as long as it is not inconvenient.
I want to live in such a radical way that everyone admires and accepts me.
I want to give selflessly, but only if it does not require sacrifice.
I want to put on the face of Christ in the least offensive way possible.
i have absolutely no idea what tomorrow holds. and i’ve heard the passage about worrying a million times.
i heard once that the Bible holds little weight to a lot Christians because we approach with the prideful attitude of “i know this already.”– and arrogance reduces God to principles.
i read the first few chapters of matthew today. and i read the Lord’s prayer, which i have heard and recited 20 billion times. and i read the passage about worrying, which i have read and heard 20 gajillion times.
the thought of 2010 overwhelms me sometimes. i sit and think of how unprepared i was for 2009. and i wonder how prepared i am for 2010– usually i decide that i’m not at all prepared. this causes me to freak out. my mind is a constant whirlwind of thoughts and worries. i start to think about how i don’t feel prepared for the rest of the day. and then i worry about tomorrow. and then i think: “if today is this hard, what will i be like in a year? two years? ten years? twelve and a half years?”
and i panic. i ask myself: “how will i ever make it?” and i question God: “i thought you were going to equip me to handle this stuff?”
and then i reread matthew 6.
and verse 11 reached off the page and smacked me in the face.
“Give us today our daily bread.”
today. right now. in this moment.
maybe that’s an incredibly obvious revelation.
so, that being said, i think i have come up with my official new years resolution. only, i’m awful at keeping those. i’ll call this a life resolution. because that sounds really important, so hopefully i’ll recognize the need to keep up with it.
i, eliza michelle chavez, will ask for my daily bread. i will look at the day that’s in front of my face and say “God, give me what i need for today. for right here, right now, in this moment.”
no longer will my prayer be: “I can’t do this. Equip me to handle everything.”
it will be differently– subtly different– but different: “Please give me my daily bread. give me what i need right now. i’ll tackle tomorrow when it comes. i know who You are, and i know that You provide my daily bread.”
i won’t worry about tomorrow. i won’t worry about all of 2010. i’ll ask for my bread on january 9th, 2010. and then when january 10th rolls around, i’ll ask for the bread i need for that moment.
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
